A Microsecond in Time

Walking to work this morning down 11th Street, NW, I came to the corner of 11th & L Streets which is half a block away from JW's first residence in the District (photo) at 10th & L.  Across the street from his former residence is the construction site of the Marriott Marquis Hotel next to the convention center.  This will be the largest hotel in the District when it is completed.  As I'm glancing at the construction site which takes up an entire city block, for a split second the thought "I wonder if JW has seen this lately" comes to mind.  The thought lasted but a microsecond but it is the first time I had forgotten.  It was nice while it lasted.

Music of the Easter Season & JW

As indicated in this post, shortly after John's death, we somehow brought ourselves to listen to Vin Scelsa's show from April 7th on WFUV in New York. We have always regarded it as a fitting requiem for John, especially since part of it was recorded that fateful Saturday afternoon. For me, it's opening song, Judy Collin's version of the Bob Dylan song "Just Like Tom Thumb's Blues" has ever since been indelibly associated with that day.

In that vein, give a listen to the following from Vin's show this past Holy Saturday and take it all in.  

When you're lost in the rain in Juarez

And its Eastertime too

And your gravity fails

And negativity don't pull you through

...

I'm going back to New York City

I do believe I've had enough.

A Party at John's Place

Another Year of Renewal

With near perfect timing this year, as intended JW's memorial has come into full bloom as a reminder of his continual presence, especially in the lives of those who love him.

For those not familiar with it, the story behind JW's memorial can be found here.  To see how his memorial has grown over the years, go to these links for 2008, 2009, 2010, 2011 and 2012 (and note the differences in when the cherry blossoms bloom -- 2012 was more than 2 weeks earlier than this year -- its been a cold Spring).

If it Be Your Will

In an attempt to find rhyme and reason to life's events, it is often necessary to turn to God's gift of music.  In that regard, perhaps that other Leonard (i.e. Leonard Cohen) and his version of If It Be Your Will is entirely appropriate for this special day in April (btw - as far as I'm concerned, if it be your will is just another way of saying I cannot and should not expect my will be done - no matter how noble but rather we must live life with humility).



For the embedded video above the written lyrics are below.

"If It Be Your Will"

If it be your will
That I speak no more
And my voice be still
As it was before
I will speak no more
I shall abide until
I am spoken for
If it be your will
If it be your will
That a voice be true
From this broken hill
I will sing to you
From this broken hill
All your praises they shall ring
If it be your will
To let me sing
From this broken hill
All your praises they shall ring
If it be your will
To let me sing

If it be your will
If there is a choice
Let the rivers fill
Let the hills rejoice
Let your mercy spill
On all these burning hearts in hell
If it be your will
To make us well

And draw us near
And bind us tight
All your children here
In their rags of light
In our rags of light
All dressed to kill
And end this night
If it be your will

If it be your will.

Then & Now

It was April 6, 2007. JW had been just discharged after spending almost 24 hours in the ER. He had been diagnosed with a pinched nerve and had been given a prescription for pain medication. Our plan was to take JW down to our home in Southern Maryland where we would be able to nurse him back to health and follow through on our plans to celebrate as a family both Easter and his brother's birthday. Our first stop was at the CVS Pharmacy on Columbia Road in Adams Morgan, DC in order to allow JW to get the pain prescription filled.

This CVS was the last place JW went to in Adams Morgan. Less than 12 hours after he went into that storefront, JW was dead.





The first picture above is how the CVS Pharmacy appeared on April 6, 2007.  The second photo is how it appears today (the pharmacy actually moved across the street and up the block several years ago).

The photos are a fitting contrast of then and now.  Much the same way there is a void in the storefronts on Columbia RD in JW's beloved Adams Morgan, so too there is a tremendous void in the lives of all those who love John so very much.

To quote W.B. Yeats, "What made us dream that he could comb grey hair?"

We miss you, guy -- and if it was even possible, we miss you more with every passing year.

Memories of John - Volume 3

John being the cyber geek he was, this blog has long been considered a fitting memorial for JW -- providing for all, not just family, the opportunity to keep memories of John alive in cyberspace. Alas, the cyber world is still ephemeral, it's 1's and 0's subject to being zapped or becoming unreadable at any given time. (Does anyone still have any 5 1/4-inch floppy disks on hand)?

In that regard, good old-fashion paper and ink can still be depended upon to last through the ages. In that regard, this Easter, in memory of JW, his Mom, brother and sister were each given a copy of the third volume of this blog in book form.

The covers of the prior two volumes can be seen here.

Update: When assisting with the distribution of these gifts, Ariana readily recognized that the photo on the book's cover was her Uncle Johnny and that he was a very special individual.  Such is the wisdom of a two-year-old, going on three.

Spring Snow

Photo from today, March 25th, at Queen of Peace Cemetery in Helen, MD.  (Note snow covered bottle of Guinness left by person(s) unknown).  

It was another Spring snow storm on April 7, 2007 when 4 inches of snow fell in St. Mary's County, enough to preclude a helicopter ambulance from transporting JW to the hospital in Washington, DC, thus necessitating a painstakingly slow trip by road.  

Sibling Affection Through the Generations

First two photos above, Ariana and Bentley - next photo, their Uncle Johnny holding their Daddy - last photo, their Uncle Johnny holding their AJ, with their Daddy nearby. Note the bandage on their Daddy's knee - all boy all the time!

Happy St. Paddy's Day to Ye, JW

Somewhat a tradition for this blog, the posting of a video depicting JW, Mike & Jes on St. Patrick's Day, 2005 in Dublin.

JW's Memorial from Space

The new Apple map uses different satellite images than does Google maps and as such, the satellite image for our abode is newer on Apple maps than on Google maps.  Thus, for the first time, you can see JW's memorial from space.  Compare the older Google image with the newer Apple image below it.  JW's memorial can be seen in the lower portion of the second picture, just left of center.

Here's a ground level view of his memorial from 2007 when it was originally constructed.

For those not familiar with it, the story of his memorial can be found here and here.

Like Uncle, Like Nephew

Equally, beautifully bald!

A Lesson in Grief & Joy

Recall in an earlier post about how grief and joy can exist side by side with family being a principal source of joy.  Yesterday was the Feast of the Holy Family.  We got to spend a good part of that day in the wind and cold at the Temple that Snyder rules -- aka FedEx Field -- to witness the Skins wup the Cowboys last night and win the NFC East Division title.

Like so many things in life, it was a bittersweet day -- great times were had with John's bro and sis, as well as a host of others at a gargantuan tailgating party to include a much sought after fire in a rather toasty tent next to us.  I could not help but remember that it was John and his brother who introduced us to tailgating at the Christmas Eve 2005 game between the Skins and the Giants -- which Washington likewise won to enter the playoffs that year.  However, that tailgating party, which included John's Papa and Uncle Ken, along with his siblings, consisted of nothing more than a bunch of 6 packs and a few bags of chips standing behind the rear tailgate of our Highlander.   We've come a long way since then with the improved epicurean delights and with John there with us, in spirit, every step of the way.  

One extraordinary way John's presence was felt yesterday was at the pre-game ceremonies which never before did we get inside the stadium in time to witness.  What clearly brought John to mind was that the color guard for the national anthem were representatives of CIA's uniformed protective services. John was both very proud and very effective with respect to his career at the CIA.  

You can hear the last rendition of Hail to the Redskins during the regular season in the video below following the PAT after their fourth and final touchdown of the night (thank you, Alfred).  

Christmas Eve 2012

Uncle Johnny and his niece Ariana, this Christmas Eve.

Does It Get Better?

That was the question John's mom was recently asked by a fellow parishioner who we've been acquainted with since the kids went to Mother Catherine Spalding School.  Several weeks ago, this couple, too, quite suddenly and unexpectedly lost their 30-year-old son to death.  With the recent events in Connecticut, it's a question that far too many parents are facing anew.  

There is, of course, no easy answer to that question - in large part because it all depends upon what you mean by  "it."  If "it" refers to a parent's grief at the death of a child, the answer is clearly no.  The grief is always there, day after day, hour after hour, as raw and painful as the first moment you realize the inconceivable and incomprehensible has happened.  There is nothing that can assuage that grief - time does not diminish the pain.  There is no greater obscenity than a parent burying a child - it violates the natural order of life in every way.  The guilt at just still being alive while your child is dead can be overwhelming.  

That said - slowly but steadily, one comes to the realization that while the grief will always be there as intense as ever, it does not preclude the experience of joy.  Grief and joy can exist side-by-side; one does not diminish the other.  The joy can take many forms -- first and foremost family.  But it can also be the beauty of God's creation or even the product of human creation such as a memorable song.  In many regards, the intensity of grief eventually causes one to experience all that life has to offer, both the good and the bad, with a greater intensity and, more importantly, greater authenticity.  

So - does it get better?  Can't say - but it definitely is forever different and not always in a bad way.  

This has been our experience, an experience we prefer not to share with any others; but, there is, unfortunately, an ever increasingly larger circle of bereaved parents as the events of the past week have shown.  

The Warmth of Parental Love

In addition to being what would have been JW's Mammy's (his dad's mom) 88th birthday, today was very significant in other ways in terms of being symbolic of the warmth of the love between a parent and son.

In ascending order, firstly, indicative of placing herself last, JW's mom finally completed today a quilt for herself which, like all preceding ones, is made, in part, out of the remnants of JW's clothing.  However, unlike all the prior quilts, this one did not have a unifying theme but was rather a "crazy quilt" made out of the materials left over from all the earlier quilts made with love for a few of those who occupied a special place in JW's life.  In the photo to the left, John's mom proudly displays her own quilt. (To see all prior quilts, scroll down the side bar to the right). 

Even more importantly, today John's nephew and namesake finally came home.  After having been born at 27 weeks gestation, and after 94 days in the NICU at Alexandria Hospital, John Bentley was able to come home to Gina, Mike and his big sister, Ariana.  JB truly represents the "impossible pregnancy" and is the product of the tremendous love, dedication and self-sacrifice of his parents -- JW's sister-in-law and "little" brother.  There is no doubt that if there is such a thing as "pride" in heaven, JW is a truly proud uncle, brother and brother-in-law today.  Gina and Mike have moved heaven and earth to give the gift of life to Bentley and are truly emblematic of the warmth of parental love.

Pictures of Bentley's homecoming can be seen below.

Another JW Quilt by Mom

Out of remnants of JW's clothing, John's mom has been making quilts for those who played a special role in John's life.  The latest quilt went to Grayson, the son of one of John's best friends, Mark and his wife, Emily.

JW and Mark were loyal alumni of Virginia Tech, attending many a Tech football game both near and afar.  John's brother, Mike, has since assumed the mantel of loyal fan.

The Gift of Memories (New & Old)

Last weekend, someone got to commemorate his 60th birthday.  This commemoration was special in many ways - not the least in that it was all about family.

As depicted in the below picture, this commemoration created new memories, which included bringing JW's niece to Chuck E. Cheese's, where JW's brother, sister, sister-in-law, niece as well as mom & dad got to play at arcade games, to include shooting some hoops.  

This excursion also brought back some old memories as depicted in this post from several years ago.  Specifically, that memory dealt with the last time that JW spent time with the entirety of his immediate family when, on a day-long excursion, we spent some time shooting hoops at the now shuttered ESPN Zone in Washington, DC.  

The fondness of that memory is now complemented by an equally joyous memory which includes JW's niece, who was very intently experiencing the uniqueness of an hour at Chuck E. Cheese driving her race car in the above picture. 

Memories - the essence of a life lived well. 

John Leonard V through VII

Per this earlier post.

At comparable ages (2 mos+).

John's Memorial Fund in Action!

Per this earlier post, I just got back from the 7th World Movement for Democracy Global Assembly in Lima, Peru where, among other things, I got to observe John's memorial fund in action. The purpose of the latest iteration of this fund was to pay for a number of democracy assistance activists from around the world to come to Lima and share their special expertise in the use of technology to support the spread of the universal human value of self-determination. It is also went to support the furnishing of these training sessions with the appropriate technological devices and the setting up of an Internet "cafe" so the attendees could remain in contact with individuals and organizations back in their home country.

As you can see below, John's fund's contribution was recognized in the Assembly's program and on banners throughout the meeting space.

In term of its overall objective of supporting youth and technology, I can report that John's fund was a tremendous success.  

The first session was devoted to how to make Internet radio an effective communication tool.  Two excellent and extremely knowledgeable individuals presented this well-attended session; Ahmed Samih from Horytna Radio Egypt and Christina Karchevskaya from European Radio for Belarus.  Photos from the session are below (as you can note, simultaneous translation was provided for the session):

The second session was on how to design an effective web site.  It was provided by Matias Federicio Bianchi of Argentina and Eduardo Vergara of Chile. Both are from Asuntos del Sur.  Unfortunately, I only got to see a few minutes of this workshop (picture below) in that I was handling visa issues for many of the attendees and I had to make frequent trips to the Peruvian Foreign Ministry offices downtown.

The third session was on effective video sharing for activists and it was presented by Premesh Chandran of Malaysiakini in Malaysia.  

The fourth and final session was regarding how to protect your information online.  Unfortunately, the individuals scheduled to present it had visa issues and got stranded on the way from Azerbaijan; so instead, an individual from Turkmenistan provided the very informative session.  What was particularly noteworthy was that it was given in Russian (with translation).

Monday night there was a cultural evening and reception for the assembly attendees hosted by the mayor of Lima.  It was held in the in the Parque de la Reserva which contains the largest interactive fountain complex in the world.  It included the Peruvian jazz group in the video below.

From Oct 18, 2012

Additional photos from the Assembly can be see by clicking the album below.

7th WMD Global Assembly

Thanks again to all who have generously donated to John's Memorial Fund.  It has proven to be an extraordinarily effective way of continuing John's spirit in this world.  He's still making a difference!

Return of John's Spirit to Peru

Next week (14-17 Oct), the Seventh Global Assembly of the World Movement for Democracy will be held in Lima, Peru. As described in this post, John's Memorial Fund will be supporting this important gathering.  Due to the kindness of family members such as John's Aunt Ticia and Uncle Ken and Aunt Susie and Uncle John as well as his brother Mike, and a host of other individuals, almost $25,000 has been donated in John's memory to this important gathering of over 500 democracy activists from all around the world.  To get an idea as to the good this fund will be achieving next week, click on the below picture.

 



The objective of John's fund has always been two-fold: to support youth and technology.  As can be seen from the above flyer, this is exactly the use to which John's fund is being placed.  The generous gifts are paying for a number of democracy assistance activists from around the world to come to Lima and share their special expertise in the use of technology to support the spread of the universal human value of self-determination.  It is also going to support the furnishing of these training sessions with the appropriate technological devices.

In addition to the support of youth and technology, the use of this fund is especially poignant in view of the fact that one of JW's life altering experiences was to visit Peru less than a year before he died as described in this post.  JW's spirit will be alive and well next week in so many ways that are so very appropriate to the manner in which he lived his life.

I leave for Lima today in order, in part, to see firsthand the impact that JW's memorial fund has on this important gathering.  Check back in a little over a week in order to read all about it.

A Rambling Post

Faithful readers of this blog know what it is all about.  It is best summed up in a quote from an article I read shortly after JW died.  The article was about the troubled life of Mother Theresa and included the following quote:  There are two responses to trauma: to hold on to it in all its vividness and remain its captive, or without necessarily 'conquering' it, to gradually incorporate it into the day-by-day.

This post is intended to capture the essence of the above thought, however imperfectly it may have been fulfilled to date.  Switching between JW's blog and that of his niece and nephew as maintained by John's sister-in-law, Gina, one cannot help but be struck by the notion of the circle of life.

While the above notion is perhaps trite, another essential element of this blog is the soothing balm that music can provide to the pains of life, especially grief.  Thus, reflecting upon the events of the past couple of months -- reflecting upon the circle of life and the role of music has led to some memories.

The first deals with Harry Chapin, a musical favorite of John's mom's and dad's even predating JW's birth.  The first Harry Chapin concert we went to was in a high school gym in Huntington, Long Island.  Other concerts included two at the St. John's University campus on Staten Island, NY; the first of which was so sparsely attended, Harry invited the entire audience to join him up on the stage.

A staple of Harry's concerts was to close with the song "All My Life's a Circle."  Click on the YouTube link below to see a 1977 version of that song, and note the hair and clothing style from the era of JW's birth.



Harry died tragically young, in 1981 as a result of an auto accident on the Long Island Expressway not too far from where I grew up.  He was on his way to give a free concert at Eisenhower Park in East Meadow, Long Island.

Throughout his career, Harry focused on his social activism, including raising money to combat hunger in the United States.  In 1987, Harry was posthumously awarded the Congressional Gold Medal for his humanitarian work.  At the ceremony, Bruce Springsteen paid tribute to Harry by playing a rendition of Harry's song "Remember When the Music."

Ironically, Harry had written this song as a tribute to a man both he and I looked up to, Allard Lowenstein, a one-term Congressman from Long Island who was murdered in 1980.  I first met Lowenstein when I was in high school and he was an inspiration for my interest in politics and public policy.  Lowenstein was instrumental in the "dump Johnson" movement in 1968.

You can view Bruce's tribute to Harry by clicking on the below YouTube link.



Another theme of this blog, to honor the spirit of JW -- "do something!"

Finally, even the movie the Big Lebowski as recounted in the below post has something to say on this topic in the closing scene between the Dude and the Stranger (Sam Elliott) -- the Dude abides -- as can be seen in the below YouTube link complete with one of my favorite musicians, Townes Van Zandt (who also died tragically young), singing the Rolling Stones' "Dead Flowers" in the background.  "Strikes and gutters," such is life.



Just like the Stranger, I'm just rambling here and, as always, thinking of you, JW.

Belgian Dude

The other day I was watching one of my favorite movies, The Big Lebowski, a Coen brothers classic, and it brought back a classic memory of JW from Belgium.  Jeff Bridges plays a character who regards himself as follows: "Look, let me explain something to you. I'm not Mr. Lebowski. You're Mr. Lebowski. I'm the Dude. So that's what you call me. That, or His Dudeness … Duder … or El Duderino, if, you know, you're not into the whole brevity thing."

Although this movie dates back to 1998, 6 years after we left Belgium, its use of the "Dude" moniker in the film is intentionally anachronistic to capture the essence of a grown man who has yet to grow up.  The use of the term "Dude" was especially pronounced in the 1980's due, among other things, to the popularity of the 1989 movie "Bill and Ted's Excellent Adventure", and thus was embedded in the vernacular of JW and his friends.

Thus, JW always got a kick out of passing a restaurant on the road between where I worked and where we lived, the D'oude Pastorie in Kraainem, Belgium.  In Flemish, it translates to "Old Rectory" but for JW it was always "party on Dude!"  Click on the picture below to zoom in on the view we passed almost daily.

Click on the "YouTube" link below to see the essence of "the Dude" explained.

More Spirit

In an earlier post, John's sister, Jes, wrote of her emotions during the recent Springsteen concert at Nationals Park and his theme for the night -- ghosts.  Here's another excerpt from the concert in Bruce's on words and song about that theme.

Five? How about Seven Johns (& a Michael, too)!

In an earlier post, I made an imprecise reference to John's nephew JB being the fifth successive generation to bear the moniker John Leonard. As pointed out in the comments section by Bentley's great aunt, JB's great, great, great grandfather was also John Leonard. While I always knew him referred to as Maurice, his first name was actually John. In fact, his father, Bentley's great, great, great, great grandfather, who was the first Leonard to arrive in the United States from Ireland (in 1869) was also John Leonard. And, to complete the circle, the original John Leonard from seven generations ago was the son of Michael Leonard! So, JB's paternal derivation of his name is as follows:

• Michael Leonard (1826-1882) great, great, great, great, great grandfather
• John Leonard (1850-1909) great, great, great, great grandfather
• John Maurice Leonard (1875-1901) great, great, great grandfather
• John William Leonard (1898-1941) great, great grandfather
• John (Jack) William Leonard (1923-2008) great grandfather
• John (J.) William (Bill) Leonard (1952- ) grandfather
• John William Leonard (1976-2007) uncle
• John Bentley Leonard (2012- )

A 162 years of successive John Leonards and counting!

Spirit of the Night

As my dad previously mentioned, we had the chance to go see The Boss in Washington DC last week and it was an absolutely amazing concert!  And just like my dad, I couldn't help but be filled with emotions surrounding John.  One of the reasons for the emotional impact of the concert was Bruce's theme for the night: "Ghosts".  He mentioned that as kids, we fear ghosts... but as we age and lose loved ones, ghosts become less scary and become a part of our lives as they walk among us and within us. They become Spirits in the Night (which was one of the best played songs of the night).  Bruce, as I assume, was referring to the loss of one of his bandmates and a good friend, Clarence Clemons, the BIG MAN on the saxophone.  And there was a lovely tribute to him on stage with a mirage of pictures with background music played by his nephew who took his place in the E Street Band.  Although this was a mournful moment in the concert, I appreciated it immensely and realized that while it's sad to have so many ghosts, I am also blessed to have many spirits looking out from above and within- as I feel John around me.  While I heard others around us complain of the slowed down tempo, I was taking in the moment and feeling the emotions of the night.  Just like life, the concert was a roller coaster of emotions but since Bruce and his band are talented artists, the roller coaster just makes you feel more alive!  Thanks Bruce!

JW and Bruce -- Then and Now

Memories of JW. They are there every day. Without exception, he is the first thought I have every morning and the last thought I have every night -- and in between, JW will leap to the forefront of my mind multiple times everyday without any rhyme or reason other than the fact that he is my son and I love him and I miss him so, so much.

It has always been my objective to focus my memories of JW on how he lived rather than how he died -- what was rather than what could have been. Nonetheless, it's impossible to erase from my memory the circumstances of his death.

In that regard, I instinctively knew that it was not a wise move to go to any concert, let alone a Bruce Springsteen concert, on April 1, 2012. For 2012 was not only five years since that fateful 2007, but both the celestial and the scriptural calendar aligned perfectly between those two years. Nonetheless, that was the date that Springsteen had set for Washington, DC for his Wrecking Ball tour and Springsteen means so much to JW's mom and his music has been a source of strength for her, especially over the past five years.

So, on April 1st, off to the Verizon Center we went. In that it was five years to both the day and date (and Palm Sunday to boot) that JW had made his first visit to a hospital emergency room on what would prove to be the first day of the last week of his life -- I knew that I would relive life minute by minute not only for that day five years prior, but everyday for the next week. Thus, I must have been quite a sight at that concert, slumped in my seat while 17,000 people where singing and dancing in the aisles.

With that thought in mind, JW's mom, sister and I (along with Jes' good friend), went off to another Springsteen Wrecking Ball concert this past Friday at Nationals' Park. This time, I was determined not to rehash my emotions from last April but rather to experience the concert in the manner JW lived his life, with gusto and relish. It made all the difference in the world and made Friday one of the best concerts I ever attended. Thanks, JW for your continuing lessons as to how to live life. And by the way, I had a beer for you.

To get a flavor of what the night was like, click on the YouTube link below and listen to the instrumental portion of "Racing in the Street" with Roy Bitten on piano, Max Weinberg on drums, and Gary Talent on bass giving it their all -- just as JW gave it his all when he had the chance, to include just having a good time such as attending an outstanding concert.

Five John's!

Little JB is the fifth successive generation to bear the name John Leonard.

Bentley's great-great-grandfather is John William Leonard (1891-1941)
Bentley's great-grandfather is John (Jack) William Leonard (1923-2008)
Bentley's grandfather is John (J.) William (Bill) Leonard (1952- )
Bentley's Uncle is John William (JW) Leonard (1976-2007)
And now: John Bentley (JB) Leonard (2012- )

Five generations, 121 years and counting!