Save The Date!

Life According to Stephen Colbert

The below post makes the following especially apropos in that JW was a great fan of the humor of Stephen Colbert. Thus, it is entirely appropriate that a man who JW admired as humorist would also espouse a profound philosophy of life as he did in a recent NY Times profile when he recounted:

In 1974, when Colbert was 10, his father, a doctor, and his brothers Peter and Paul, the two closest to him in age, died in a plane crash while flying to a prep school in New England. “There’s a common explanation that profound sadness leads to someone’s becoming a comedian, but I’m not sure that’s a proven equation in my case,” he told me. “I’m not bitter about what happened to me as a child, and my mother was instrumental in keeping me from being so.” He added, in a tone so humble and sincere that his character would never have used it: “She taught me to be grateful for my life regardless of what that entailed, and that’s directly related to the image of Christ on the cross and the example of sacrifice that he gave us. What she taught me is that the deliverance God offers you from pain is not no pain — it’s that the pain is actually a gift. What’s the option? God doesn’t really give you another choice.”

I-Pads in Action - Part II

As indicated in the below post, the St. Mary's County local newspaper has published a brief article on JW's Technology fund in action.  Our thanks to all who helped make this entirely fitting remembrance of John a reality.

As a reminder, details regarding JW's current memorial fund can be found here.

I-Pads In Action

The original memorial fund established in John's memory was at his alma-mata elementary school, Mother Catherine Spalding School in Helen, MD.  Earlier blog entries such as here and here gave periodic updates as to the accomplishments achieved with the funds.

Due to the earlier generosity of so many, the fund is still going strong.  Keeping with the intent of the fund to place technology in the hands of the children in the classroom, it was especially exciting to hear that it was recently used to introduce I-Pads into the curriculum for grades 1-8.  Just recently, JW's mom & dad had the opportunity to see the I-Pads in action in the 7th grade science class as well as the 1st grade science lab.  It's hard to realize that even though JW somehow always had the latest gizmo, he never had the opportunity to own an I-Pad himself.  Nonetheless, without a doubt, the big geek is extremely pleased that a lot of little geeks are being fostered in his memory.

Love, Grief -- Grief, Love

Everyone experiences grief, each in our own way.

This blog, in many ways, is intended as a manifestation of love in the face of grief -- love that was, love that is, love that will forever be, love that even death cannot vanquish.

In my foundest hopes, this blog will, from time to time, provide solace to someone enduring grief if only from the perspective that they are not alone. In that context, I just read (in a single sitting) a recently released book on grief and love entitled Kayak Morning in which the author recounts his personal meditations on grief several years after the death of his adult daughter. While much more erudite than this blog, the essence of this book nonetheless encapsulates the blog's objective when it ends with a definition:

Grief.  The State of mind brought about when love, having lost to death, learns to breathe beside it.  See also love.

If so inclined, have a read.  I'll lend you the book

Father/Son Memory Immortalized

Recall this earlier post from almost two years ago which captured a father/son memory just several weeks before John died.  As recounted in that post, "while waiting at the bar for a table, father and son got a good laugh about the recent efforts of then Vice President Dick Cheney's office to abolish John's Dad's official position and his entire organization -- events that would become public several months later."

In some regards, the web is ephemeral.  Only just realizing that some of the public references to that Leonard/Cheney encounter were still available on the Internet, below is a link that gives a spot-on synopsis of what the incident was about and also confirmed for John's dad that when his work became fodder for late-night comedy, it was time to retire from the Federal government.

The Colbert Report
Get More: Colbert Report Full Episodes,Political Humor & Satire Blog,Video Archive

Additional insights into this memory can be found at this link as well as below.

The Daily Show with Jon Stewart
Get More: Daily Show Full Episodes,Political Humor & Satire Blog,The Daily Show on Facebook

As always, thanks for the fond memories, JW. We had a good laugh that night.  Little did we know that what we were talking about and sharing just among ourseleves that evening would become a topic for some of your favorite TV shows!

John's Fund Continues to Grow

Thanks to a very generous donation from John's Aunt Susie and Uncle John, as well as his brother Mike's loving decision to ask that his Christmas gift this year be a donation to John's memorial fund, the fund has now reached almost 90% of its goal.  As a reminder, the purpose of this fund to support the upcoming World Assembly in Lima, Peru this October of the World Movement for Democracy, a global network of democrats, including activists, practitioners, academics, policy makers, and funders, who have come together to cooperate in the promotion of democracy. More details on JW's fund can be found at this link.

Latest Additions to John's Room

Sincere thanks to John's good friends, Cate and Greg, who on a recent trip to Ireland picked up the latest additions to John's Room, some Guinness pub coasters and, most special of all, a Guinness rugby ball!  Just imagine what the first scrum will be like at the next JW Kickball and Kegger fest.

The above were presented to John's mom & dad this past Christmas.  They are sincerely grateful to the goodness and friendship that helps perpetuate John's love of friends and family.

And by the way, mark your calendars now for the next great event on June 23, 2012!

Memory of Christmas Eve Past

This Christmas Eve, John’s Mom and Dad took JW’s brother and sister to a Redskins game at Fedex Field for their Christmas gift.  It was a great time, especially the tailgating and great seats in the first row of the upper deck on the 50 yard line.  It was also a typically frustrating Redskins game, with the Skins somehow losing to the 2-12 Vikings after having beat the Giants twice this season and almost beating the Patriots.  More than anything else, however, it also brought back fond memories of an earlier Christmas Eve Redskins game.

It was Christmas Eve, 2005 – JW’s penultimate Christmas and his last spent at home (in 2006, he spent Christmas w/Alex’s family in San Francisco).  It was at that earlier Christmas Eve that JW and his brother Mike treated their Papa, their Uncle Ken, their sister and well as their Dad to a Redskins game for Christmas.  Actually, it was John’s Dad’s first Redskins game and tailgating experience at Fedex Field.  Some memories from that game:

• The Redskins actually winning, beating the Giants 35-20 and thus securing a wild card playoff spot – beating Tampa Bay in the subsequent first playoff round, only to lose to Seattle in the second;

• The guys actually springing for an “Orange” parking pass so that their Papa didn’t have to walk that far to the stadium;

• Everyone being concerned for Uncle Ken since he was wearing a Giants cap – thus he was always escorted to the restroom;

• Papa being especially interested in using the field glasses when the cheerleaders were on the field; and

• Everyone (including three 6’ + guys) creating a protective phalanx around Papa when it came time to leave so as to ensure he would not be knocked down by the bustling crowd!

This year's Christmas Eve game, of course, was different with neither JW nor Papa able to be there with us.  It was also different in another couple of ways.  First of all, as indicated in the photo to the right, the very seats we sat in during the Christmas Eve 2005 game no longer exist; what with Dan Snyder having torn them out after coming to the realization that the seats were so undesirable, he could not even sell them to the 15,000 or so fans on a waiting list for season tickets. Even more importantly, since 2005, the quality of our tailgating has increased tremendously.  For that prior Christmas Eve game, all we had were a couple of six packs and a bag or two of chips with everyone standing around the rear bumper of the car.  This year (click on the photo below to access an album for Christmas Eve 2011), in addition to having a cooler-full of beer, some chairs and a table, along with a grill, a canopy and a corn hole game, we also had epicurean delights to include cheese and crackers, Italian sausage and potatoes, as well as “antipasto on a stick,” all followed by some good Irish whiskey and an excellent cigar and then some post-game hot chocolate and homemade cranberry nut-bread.  When comparing the difference in quality between the two tailgating events, John’s sis aptly pointed out that it was all due to the addition of John’s mom to the happening, she being absent from the 2005 experience.

Oh yea, we also had the fond memories of the 2005 Christmas Eve experience to keep us warm from the biting wind in the parking lot this year.  Thanks, for the memories John – and is it true that in heaven the Redskins never lose?

Memories of Christmas Eve Past

True Motivation in Life

"Experience is a hard teacher because she gives the test first and lessons later." During life, different things keep us motivated to finish the test. I recently returned from a long DoD professional course which took me out of the local area for the last couple of months. During that course, days were long and testing was complex and tedious. However, there were two things pinned up to the wall of my small, bland governmental colored cubicle which motivated me through the toughest of times. Those two items were a picture of Ariana and a copy of John's professional obituary.

A great fond memory of John comes from the Summer of 2006. For the 4th of July celebration, we took the jeep out to Reston for a party there followed by some cheesy neighborhood fireworks which obtained the award for least amount of traffic after a fireworks show in the DC area. During that night, we got into a conversation about my recent experiences in Iraq, and John expressed a sentiment which was usually not expressed between siblings, especially those who fought constantly about who got dibbs on the top bunk bed when we were growing up. The sentiment he expressed was how very proud he was of me. I still remember that conversation vividly, since those words are not uttered as much as they should be. I see it as very fitting that he inspired and motivated me through my professional challenges and accomplishments in the last four years.

The symbol of a small piece of paper tacked to a cubicle wall summed up a large motivation in my life. Looking back, I never took the opportunity to express how proud I was of him and everything he did for me. But, who would ever do that to a big brother? He was the older, more experienced one. But now I got to play catch up. This one piece of paper was my way to tell him in a small way of how proud I am and continue to be of him.

Sort of like parents creating a blog and memorial fund in his memory.

John's Global Memorial Fund

For the next several years, John's parents have decided to attempt to give a more global impact to JW's legacy while maintaining the heretofore twofold focus of the fund: youth and technology. This will be accomplished by creating a fund to support the World Movement for Democracy, a global network of democrats, including activists, practitioners, academics, policy makers, and funders, who have come together to cooperate in the promotion of democracy.  More details on his fund can be found here.

We've established a goal of raising $25,000 by the time of the Assembly in October 2012.  To date, from family and friends, over $21,000 has been pledged and raised.  For those interested in assisting in furthering John's legacy, and helping achieve this goal, tax-deductible contributions can be made to the National Endowment for Democracy and mailed to:

John William Leonard Memorial Fund
c/o World Movement for Democracy
National Endowment for Democracy
1025 F St., NW, Suite 800
Washington, DC 20004

John's Continuing Presence

To recognize JW's continuing presence in the lives of so many people, to include a young boy who was merely an infant when JW died, see this beautiful blog post by John's sister-in-law.

The Warmth of a Brother's Love

In what may become a Thanksgiving tradition, John's mom presented John's sister with the latest in a series of quilts made, in part, out of remnants of John's clothes.  The latest outcome of countless hours of labor and love on the part of John's mom is an Irish quilt with shamrocks and the following Irish blessing in the middle:

May you always have ...

Walls for the wind,

A roof for the rain,

Tea beside the fire,

Laughter to cheer you

And those you love near you.

As you'll see when you click on the below picture in order to see all the photos in the special album, the shirt that JW had on in the above brother/sister photo taken in Dublin on St. Patrick's Day, 2005 is now an integral part of the quilt.

The Warmth of a Brother

In addition, all of John's mom's quilts from the past several years can be seen below.

When I Call a Name

For the first time the other night, I heard one of the songs (actually a spoken piece) from the Vin Scelsa broadcast of April 7, 2007, which I have always considered a Requiem for John.  The music is When I Call a Name and only now did I realize that it is from the opening scenes of a 2005 film, Me and You and Everyone We Know.  The lyrics somehow seem apropos and can be found below the link to the song on YouTube.




she: if you really love me, let's make a vow.
right here, together, right now. okay?

he: okay

she: alright, repeat after me. i'm gonna be free.

he: i'm gonna be free.

she: and i'm gonna be brave.

he: i'm gonna be brave.

she: good. i'm gonna live each day as if it were my last.

he: oh, that's good.

she: you like that?

he: yeah

she: say it.

he: i'm gonna live each day as if it were my last.

she: fantastically.

he: fantastically.

she: courageously.

he: courageously.

she: with grace.

he: with grace.

she: and in the dark of the night...

he: and it does get dark.

she: when i call a name

he: when i call a name

she: it'll be your name... what's your name?

he: nevermind.

she: let's go. say it.

he: let's go.

she: everywhere.

he: everyhere.

she: even though

he: even though

she: we're scared.

he: we're scared.

she: cause it's life.

he: it's life.

she: and it's happening. it's really really happening, right now...

The Leonard Guys

Thanks to Adel from John's Dad's office for the photo that so expertly captured the three Leonard guys.

Still John's Town

Recall this earlier post regarding John's Mom's and Dad's taste of being DC residents like John, albeit for only a month.

Well, for almost 2 months now, John's Mom and Dad have become full time DC residents, at least during the work week with weekends still spent in beautiful Southern Maryland.  Having tired of the daily 120 mile round-trip commute, and taking advantage of John's Mom's recent retirement, John's parents have rented a small apartment in the District -- specifically in the Adams Morgan neighborhood. 

Adams Morgan, of course, is where John purchased his one and only home, a condominium on the first floor of an almost 100-year-old apartment building on Belmont Rd. (see photo to left).  John had great plans for his place and really enjoyed living in the District.

So the obvious question is, did John's Mom and Dad choose a place in Adams Morgan just 4 blocks from Belmont Road because of or in spite of the connection to John?  As always, the answer entails a little of both.

First of all, John's parents did not set out looking for a place in Adams Morgan.  It just turned out that the first place they found that piqued their interest was located there.  As such, the question then became whether the fact that the apartment was located in Adams Morgan served to disqualify it from consideration due to its connection to John?

There, of course, were pros and cons both ways.  John's parents have many positive memories of visiting John there -- to include going to many of the diverse eateries in the neighborhood.  At the same time, there are more painful memories as well such as packing up his condominium after his death.  But the bottom line is that many of the same things that attracted John to the neighborhood attracted his parents -- like son, like parent. 

So now when they walk the area, they are struck by the good as well as the bad, usually unexpectedly; such as stumbling upon a small hole in the wall where they shared a meal or similarly stumbling upon the EMT Station from which the ambulance was dispatched to take him to the hospital or the pharmacy where he went after being discharged from the hospital to fill his prescriptions just hours before his death. This is not only John's town, but his neighborhood as well, and that's what is ultimately good about it.

A Living Memorial

This post from several years ago, tells the background of JW's memorial which consists of a bench under some cherry trees in a garden with a precipice. It was created as a fitting spot from which to pay tribute to John's spirit.

The below picture taken this summer captures the essence of the memorial. John's dad is sitting on the bench with John's niece, Ariana. She is being told one of the many stories of her Uncle Johnny that she will continue to hear for many years to come. Together, they are perfectly protected by the shade of the cherry trees. It is truly a living memorial.




How much this memorial has come alive over the past several years is depicted in the below comparative shots.

The Musical Era of JW's Birth

An era is often defined by its music.

Recently, upon the death of Clarence Clemons of the E Street Band, Vin Scelsa of WFUV-FM in New York played a musical remembrance. It is slightly less than 20 minutes long and can be found at this link. At the end of this recording, Vin talks about how the early music of the E Street Band was emblematic not only of an era (the mid-seventies, the time when JW was born) but also of a geographic area, the Jersey Shore, a place where JW lived very early in his life. This music, and the era that Vin reminisces about, was what John's parents where immersed in when he came into our lives.

Big Bro / Little Sis

In the post below, Jes recounts memories of growing up with her brothers and the attendant teasing and the like which took place in any sibling relationship.

Our earliest memory of JW and Jes dates back to a few days after she was born. JW was 7 years older than his little sister, who was born 6 weeks premature and 400 miles from home. Although all turned out well, it was a pretty stressful time for all. We, of course, tried to shield our children from our worries. Nonetheless, even as a 7-year-old, JW was pretty sharp in observing things going on around him.

Thus, it was no surprise that the first night we finally got back to our home (then south of Richmond, VA), we noticed that JW was very upset and not very willing to talk about it. He finally told us what was worrying him, specifically he was worried that his baby sister was going to die. So, from the very beginning, JW was looking out for his little sis, a role he never relinquished, to this day.

Happy 35th John

Over the weekend of John's 35th birthday, I thought a lot about John (not that I need a special occasion to do so) and at times pondering what life would be like if John were still with us. However, after reading Dad's posting about having "no need to refer to 'what would have been'. He did not live his life waiting to fulfill his potential, rather, for every year of life he celebrated, John made the most of what he was given".

So, instead of thinking about what life could've been, I shared great stories of what is was like to grow up with two big brothers. Although at the time (and my parents can attest to it), I thought my brothers made my life miserable, I would never trade a day back. I have been blessed to have two brothers that continuously look out for me, just in different ways.

Happy 35th birthday John!

"Siblings are the people we practice on, the people who teach us about fairness and cooperation and kindness and caring- quite often the hard way."

~ Pamela Dugdale

A Toast to John

Happy Birthday John!!

It has been a long few years and looking back, it is amazing to see how much things have changed but also, how much is still the same. A John memory to share actually implicates myself into a small listener of country music. It was five years ago, and Gina and I were driving on the Beltway approaching the Wilson Bridge when the Kenney Chesney song "My Next 30 Years" came on the radio. I was quick to call you to rub in the fact that you were turning 30 that week, an age you had apprehensions of reaching. Going to voice mail, we were laughing our asses off while I left you a message with the song blaring in the background. (I am sure there is some country lyric out there that could describe the activities of that birthday party; beer, imported beach sand and a bar owner power washing the outdoor patio after we were asked to leave). As always, good times, good memories and the never ending story of how your last year on this Earth was truly your best; a standard that I as a father, husband, brother and son try to emulate everyday.

As for your 35th birthday, in keeping with tradition, we celebrated it at Levante's Restaurant in Dupont Circle last night. And we captured a great picture of the birthday toast between Dad and Ariana (and no, that is not wine in her sippy cup). Tradition also dictated that we come to the birthday dinner with Hokie Wine in hand, still at $6.99 a bottle. (Hokie wine is going to be the new gauge of American economic strength, so look forward to getting an update on the price of cheap wine at your 40th birthday to see if our economy has recovered any).

Another year has passed, which for us, is another chance to live life to the fullest, exactly how you left this world.

The Gift of the Son

Today is Fathers' Day -- tomorrow is JW's birthday. The two, of course, are forever linked.

I've found myself over the past several days referring to tomorrow as what would have been John's 35th birthday. I've come to realize that referring to it as such is inappropriate. There is nothing about the person JW became that "would have been."

Rather, JW is a tremendous man who enjoyed the gift of life for 30 years. There is no need to refer to "what would have been." He did not live his life waiting to fulfill his potential. Rather, for every year of life he celebrated, John made the most of what he was given. He lived his life to the fullest, in an extremely giving way.

Tomorrow we celebrate what JW was and continues to be -- a powerful force for making the world a better place because not only did he live, but he loved and was loved -- and continues as such.

Today, and everyday, I am thankful for the legacy my son has left for his father -- and for the continuing gift of John's brother and sister, his sister-in-law, and of course, his niece (none of whom would have been possible but for JW's mom).

5th Annual JW Kickball & Kegger Fest

For what would have been JW's 35th birthday, the big kickball and kegger fest was held this year on Saturday, June 11th. It took more than a violent thunderstorm to dampen the spirits of all those who came out to help commemorate! Pictures can be seen by clicking the photo below:

5th Annual JW Kickball & Kegger Fest

Special thanks to Barbara (the matriarch of John's "second" family) who took the bulk of the above pictures. Also, thanks to Gobbler's Knob who provided the fest's musical entertainment (here's hoping Dish's amplifier dries out after the big storm) and to Pete who served as a special guest opening act.

Also, John's newest memorial fund supporting the World Youth Movement for Democracy got off to a tremendous start of $1,102 dollars due to an extremely generous donation on the part of John's Aunt Ticia and Uncle Ken as well as Gobbler's Knob who donated half the proceeds from sales of their newest pre-release CD, a commemorative edition for this fest.

By the way, in the humble opinion of this transcriber, the defensive play of the day in the kickball game was accomplished by none other than John's dad. Pitching, JW's dad fielded a hard line drive straight back to the box off Stryker's foot. John's dad fielded the line drive mostly out of self-preservation but admirably held onto to his beer cup while doing so, only to have the force of the caught kickball propel his beer cup clear into the outfield. You had to be there to appreciate such a feat.

So as to not miss out on such doings in the future, mark you calendars now for next year's fest which will be held on Saturday, June 16, 2012 June 23, 2012.

JW's Memorial Fund Goes Global

Thanks to all who have given to JW's memorial fund over the past several years.

For the next several years, John's parents have decided to attempt to give a more global impact to JW's legacy while maintaining the heretofore twofold focus of the fund: youth and technology. This will be accomplished by creating a fund to support the World Movement for Democracy, a global network of democrats, including activists, practitioners, academics, policy makers, and funders, who have come together to cooperate in the promotion of democracy.

Specifically, the goal of JW's memorial fund for the next couple of years is to support the World Movement for Democracy’s Seventh Global Assembly, which will take place in the Latin America/Caribbean region in late 2012, as well as youth engagement in advancing democracy and human rights, particularly using new information and communication technologies (ICTs). To that end, JW's memorial fund will be used in the following ways:

· The World Youth Movement for Democracy, a global network affiliated with the World Movement for Democracy and coordinated by the World Movement Secretariat at the National Endowment for Democracy (a private 501(c)(3) not for profit organization), will conduct a competition and provide one or more awards to youth projects that use new technologies for democracy activism. Competition entrants will be asked to demonstrate the innovative use of technologies in their democracy work and submit project ideas to enhance that work. Using a portion of the contributed funds, the awardee(s) would be provided with round trip air travel and per diem expenses enabling their participation in the Seventh Assembly where they will be given opportunities, through workshops and technology training sessions, to share their project ideas with counterparts across borders within their regions and around the world.

· A portion of the contribution would be used following the Assembly to provide modest amounts of funds to the awardee(s) to implement their project ideas using new technologies.

· A portion of the contribution would be used to help underwrite the local costs of conducting approximately five hands-on technology training sessions conducted by youth activists experienced in using new ICTs in their work. The trainings would be provided for Assembly participants both younger and older.

To understand the potential impact of this aspect of JW's legacy, one needs to look no further than the Arab Spring, an unfolding revolutionary wave in the Arab world that is propelled, in large part, by both youth and technology.

For those interested in assisting in furthering John's legacy, contributions can be made to the National Endowment for Democracy and mailed to:

John William Leonard Memorial Fund
c/o World Movement for Democracy
National Endowment for Democracy
1025 F St., NW, Suite 800
Washington, DC 20004

Relay in Memory of JW

John's mom Relays in memory of JW, her Dad, and her mother-in-law and because she wants to see an end to cancer during her lifetime. Relay gives John's mom the unique opportunity to celebrate the lives of those who have battled cancer and support the American Cancer Society’s lifesaving mission by fighting back against a disease that has already taken too much.

Please support John's mom's efforts to fight back against cancer by joining her Relay For Life® team or making a donation by clicking on this link. You can make a one-time gift or increase your impact by making a monthly donation to support the cause.

Your efforts will help the American Cancer Society fund groundbreaking cancer research, provide up-to-date cancer information, advocate for all people to have access to screening and treatment, and offer free programs and services to improve the quality of life for people facing cancer. By being a part of Relay, we are joining a worldwide movement to help defeat cancer for future generations.

Another Gift of Love

In his memory, yesterday, JW's mom gave to his dad an "Irish Chain Quilt" made, in part, from articles of JW's clothing. As with the earlier quilt for JW's niece, Ariana, this quilt will keep JW's dad and generations to come both physically and spiritually warm.

Memories of John

John being the cyber geek he was, this blog has long been considered a fitting memorial for JW -- providing for all, not just family, the opportunity to keep memories of John alive in cyberspace. Alas, the cyber world is still ephemeral, it's 1's and 0's subject to being zapped or becoming unreadable at any given time. (Does anyone still have any 5 1/4-inch floppy disks on hand)?

In that regard, good old-fashion paper and ink can still be depended upon to last through the ages. In that regard, this April 7th, in memory of JW, his Mom, brother and sister were each given a copy of the first 2 bound volumes of this blog in book form.

Once again, all are encouraged to contribute to what is hoped will be a long-lasting memorial to JW, one way or the other -- one that can be experienced by generations yet to come who will know so well that JW not only lived but that he loved and was loved.

A New April 7th

JW's Mom & Dad got to spend most of the day with someone who experienced her first-ever April 7th today. May JW's niece, Ariana, have many, many, many, many more April 7ths to come and continue to share the joy as she so readily did today. (Click on the picture below to be taken to the gallery which includes Ariana weeding her parents' front lawn).

A New April 7th

Sunrise with JW

I've felt compelled to come here for four years but have yet to do so until now. It's dark and cold, with the ink black waters of the Potomac River flowing by. It's not, however, as terribly cold as that prior April 7th when four inches of snow had fallen in Southern Maryland.

Although dawn is an hour away, off in the distance are the crew teams methodically propelling their racing shells through the frigid river waters. Some of the rowers are the same age that JW was when they were born.

On the other side of the river is the faint outline of the skyline of Rosslyn, the place where JW lived before moving to the District. Unlike that earlier April 7th which was a Saturday, headlights dance all around as the earliest of commuters head off to work, to include those on the Roosevelt Bridge -- the same route JW

used when he became an against-the-flow commuter -- heading from the nation's capital to the suburbs of Northern Virginia. Overhead, planes bank -- closely hewing to the path of the Potomac as they take off from National Airport for places unknown, to include destinations JW most assuredly travelled to himself be it for business or pleasure.

I am standing at the Watergate -- not the complex of apartments, offices and hotels made famous by the Nixon-era break-in -- but rather the terraced steps west of the Lincoln Memorial from which the Watergate complex derives it's name. The steps were originally planned as the official reception area for dignitaries arriving at Washington, DC via barge, but it was never used for that purpose.

For us, however, the Watergate holds a much greater significance. Traveling painstakingly slow through the snow and following the ambulance that was transporting JW from a hospital in Southern Maryland to one in the District on that April 7th morning, it was at that point shortly before dawn that we saw the ambulance's emergency lights come on. Right then and there we knew that something was dreadfully wrong but even then we did not know how wrong. For it was at that moment -- at that place -- that JW experienced irreversible brain stem compression -- it was at that place and time that our first child, our oldest son, died.

So here I was, four years later, a bouquet of flowers in hand, compelled to come back. At first, I was uncertain as to why but slowly I came to understand. Although on that fateful snowy April day we were no more than 25 feet away following the ambulance in our own car - the fact remains that our son died alone -- surrounded by strangers. Coming back, even four years later, was the closest I could come to entering the back of that ambulance when my son needed me the most - to hold his hand - to stroke his head - to kiss him goodbye.

But as I stood on those steps, watching the dawn break in overcast skies over the Lincoln Memorial, I also knew that whereas JW may have died alone physically -- he knew in no uncertain terms and at the most fundamental level that he was surrounded by and enveloped in the love of his family up to the very end of his life. And as the sky lightened, as the rowers came into clearer focus, as the commuting traffic increased and as more and more airplanes were taking off, and as the skyline of Rosslyn began to reflect the early sun - I knew that I was standing at what has become for me the center of the universe because the world and the life of so many people in it are so very different for the better solely because JW lived -- and most importantly of all, because of the manner in which he lived. And although the foot of those steps may be the place that he died, it is not the place where he ceased to make a difference in the world today. Like ripples in a pond, because he loved and was loved by so many, JW continues today, and for generations to come, to be a positive force in the lives of so many others. His spirit lives on, not only in heaven but here on earth as well.

And by the way, I went by those steps a couple of hours later and the flowers were gone. I seriously doubt that the Park Service would be that quick in picking the flowers up. As such, I'm certain that right now they are giving someone somewhere the pleasure of a bouquet of fresh cut flowers. Somehow, JW just keeps on giving.

Posted by John's Dad

April 7th

"...(y)ou know our life -- the outside of it as others do -- and the inside of it -- which they do not. You have seen our whole voyage. You have seen us go to sea, a cloud of sail -- and flag at the peak; and you see us now, chartless, adrift -- derelicts; battered, water-logged, our sails a ruck of rags, our pride gone. For it is gone. And there is nothing in its place. The vanity of life was all we had, and there is no more vanity left in us. We are even ashamed of that we had; ashamed that we trusted the promises of life and builded high -- to come to this!

"I did know that (he) was part of us; I did not know that (he) could go away; I did not know that (he) could go away, and take our lives with (him), yet leave our dull bodies behind. To me (he) was but treasure in the bank; the amount known, the need to look at it daily, handle it, weigh it, count it, realize it, not necessary; and now that I would do it, it is too late; they tell me it is not there, has vanished away in a night, the bank is broken, my fortune is gone, I am a pauper. How am I to comprehend this? How am I to have it? Why am I robbed, and who is benefited"?

Mark Twain [Samuel Clemens] (1835-1910), in a letter to a close friend after his daughter Susy, aged 24, died of meningitis while her parents were abroad.