Cheerios v. Puffs

In the House of God, which prevails, Cheerios or Puffs?

Taking John's niece and nephew to Mass today, I was reminded of a memorable experience w/JW and how we get so much wiser as we get older.  

As all parents learn, when you want to keep a one-year-old quiet for a period of time such as an hour-long Mass, the best option is always food.  For JW, it was a small container of dry Cheerios.  For his nephew and namesake, it's Puffs.  

Thirty-six years ago, we were attending Epiphany Parish in Brick, NJ.  It was a brand new parish - thus, it did not even have it's own church building. Instead, Sunday Mass was held in the gym of the local high school. 

Today, we attended Mass at St. Francis of Assisi Parish, a Franciscan parish in Triangle, VA.  And instead of Cheerios, John's nephew had Puffs. 

Way back when, somehow, in the middle of Mass, JW managed to drop the entire bowl of Cheerios on the gym floor.  Being a smooth wood floor, the Cheerios went flying anywhere and everywhere to the notice of just about everyone.  There was no way to gracefully recover from such an event.  

Puffs, of course, are much lighter. In addition, the church today had carpeting rather than wood floors.  Most important of all, John's nephew's grandparents gave him only two puffs at a time, rather than a whole bowlful. 

Much has changed, not the least of which is the wisdom of John's parents.  

Photos of JW and his namesake at comparable ages are below. 

KC - A Happening Place

Summer 2005 - The last (and only time) we took JW to the Kennedy Center.  It was to see the play "Hairspray."

Autumn 2013 - The first time we take JW's niece and nephew to the Kennedy Center.  It was to see an NSO "Teddy Bear Concert."

What a difference 8 years makes.

John's niece with the man himself.  

Marooned at Sea (sort of)

The other day, John's mom and I had the opportunity to go for a ride on our boat on a warm October day. It brought back memories of an earlier ride in a much smaller boat to the same point of interest.

The boat was our 16' skiff.  The ride was with JW and his then girlfriend. The boat was as pictured below, although in this picture are John's brother and sister (I could not find a picture with John in the boat).

We had gone to brunch at Morris Point restaurant on nearby creek.  After brunch, I decided on the spur of the moment to take them out on the nearby Potomac, to  Nomini Bay in Virginia.  We had a little more than half in a 6 gallon gas tank.

In any event, this little excursion was about 14 miles round trip with the Potomac itself over 5 miles wide at that point (see below).  Furthermore, while John's mom and I had made the trip many times before, we never did it with four people in the boat.  Finally, the river was somewhat choppy so the trip was slow with our 25 HP engine.

To make a long story short, with the extra passengers and choppy conditions, I used more gas than I expected --about half or more of the remaining gas just getting across the river.  Somewhat nervously, I started to head back to the Maryland side but soon reversed course, not convinced I had enough gas to get back and not wanting to get marooned in the middle of the river.  There, of course, we're no marinas in Namoni Bay and not very many homes as well. I saw some folks fishing on the shore, went up to them and explained our plight.  I was graciously offered a ride to a gas station, about 5 miles away, and proceeded to spend my last 5 dollars for just enough gas to get back to the other side of the river.

I'm not certain if JW ever went for a boat ride with me after that.  At the very least, it was a memorable one.

42 Bus

The other night, John's mom and I went out to dinner and a movie in downtown DC. It seemed like an appropriate start to a holiday weekend. Afterward, we took a Metrobus back to our weekday apartment in Adams Morgan, JW's special part of town.

Every time I take that bus, I recognize that JW must have often taken the same bus when returning home after a night on the town.  I often look at the young thirty-somethings on the bus as a reminder of JW, only to realize that by this point in time he would be almost a forty-something with a young family at home and thus wouldn't be out on the town like his parents were.

To get a feel what the bus ride is like and all the parts of town that the 42 bus goes through (to include DuPont Circle and up Connecticut Avenue), watch the below video.  

7th Annual Kickball & Kegger Fest

The 7th Annual Kickball & Kegger Fest honoring JW's memory was held this past weekend under near perfect weather conditions.  A good crowd turned out, especially considering the back and forth switching of the date this year.  However, contrary to rumor, the crowd size was not the reason the State of Maryland erected the signs pictured below a few miles from our home.

 

 

 

There were many, many highlights from the day to include this being the first ever Fest for a number of children, to include JW's namesake, John Bentley (first timers included Viola, Grayson and others).

The kickball game started out as a potential blowout but actually ended with a 13-12 score.  The play of the day was by Eric who had an unassisted double play -- a first for this series.

Entertainment was outstanding as always and included the 7th straight appearance by Gobbler's Knob featuring Stryker and Dish as well as JW's little brother Mike in his new role playing bass, as well as the more recent favorite, Your Father's Mustache from Morgantown, WV featuring Pete and newcomer Nick.

And last but not least, John's little sis, Jes, had a big shout out for her upcoming 30th birthday.

The capstone of the evening was a Guinness toast to JW's memory.  The essence of the entire day was captured so artistically by Angie in the below photo.

Photos of the entire day's festivities can be seen by clicking on the below album (with a special thanks to Barbara and Sheri).

7th Annual JW Kickball & Kegger Fest

It Was Yesterday ... It Was 37 Years Ago

In a touch of irony, while life over the past six years has changed so radically, there is one aspect that has remained a constant, frozen in time -- my memory of you as a young 30-year-old man who had accomplished so much and who had lived life so fully but who also had so much yet to experience.

As such, in a strange sense, instead of being my eldest child -- the dean of your generation of Leonard off-spring -- you will soon become my youngest, as your little sister turns 30.

On today, what would have been your 37th birthday -- the advent of your entry to middle age -- we take solace from what has been -- how you fully lived the gift of life when you had the opportunity -- rather than focusing on the loss of what could have been.

On the anniversary of your birth, JW, thanks for the memories.  They, like you, are precious.

JW on his 30th Birthday

37 Fathers' Days Ago

Thanks, JW, for making me a Dad for the first time having been born on Fathers' Day 37 years ago. I always said you were better than a tie.

Warmth of Love

The warmth of a mother's, grandmother's and uncle's love can be seen by clicking on the below album which depicts the making of Bentley's quilt.

Making of Bentley's Quilt

7th Annual J.W. Kickball & Kegger Fest -- June 22, 2013

The new, new date is the old date.  Back to the future.  After battling calendars, the date for this year's JW kickball & kegger fest is once again June 22, 2013.

RSVP at Evite.

The tradition that started here and continued through to here, is back for another year. 

All of John's family, friends, co-workers, kickballers, flip cup teammates and any and all who love life the way John did are invited to the 7th annual beer cup kickball game and kegger to be held on the Saturday closest to John's birthday (he would be 37 this year).

The party begins at 2:00 pm with kegs, soda, and appetizers.

The kickball game begins at 4:00 pm.

The food fest begins at 5:00 pm.

Live music!

Activities for children of all ages.

The festivities continue until whenever.

As an extra treat, the festivities will include a special celebration of John's lil sis' 30th birthday.

A Special Day for a Special Boy

Today, John Bentley, his Uncle Johnny's namesake, was Baptized.  It was a special day for a special boy and his Uncle Johnny was there in so many ways, not the least of which when his MamaReesee presented Bentley with his long awaited quilt made out of the remnants of John's clothing.  This is yet another way that Bentley will be able to experience the warmth of his uncle's and grandmother's love.  A picture of his quilt, in addition to below, has been added to the pantheon of "The Quilts of JW by Mom" to the right.

A Microsecond in Time

Walking to work this morning down 11th Street, NW, I came to the corner of 11th & L Streets which is half a block away from JW's first residence in the District (photo) at 10th & L.  Across the street from his former residence is the construction site of the Marriott Marquis Hotel next to the convention center.  This will be the largest hotel in the District when it is completed.  As I'm glancing at the construction site which takes up an entire city block, for a split second the thought "I wonder if JW has seen this lately" comes to mind.  The thought lasted but a microsecond but it is the first time I had forgotten.  It was nice while it lasted.

Music of the Easter Season & JW

As indicated in this post, shortly after John's death, we somehow brought ourselves to listen to Vin Scelsa's show from April 7th on WFUV in New York. We have always regarded it as a fitting requiem for John, especially since part of it was recorded that fateful Saturday afternoon. For me, it's opening song, Judy Collin's version of the Bob Dylan song "Just Like Tom Thumb's Blues" has ever since been indelibly associated with that day.

In that vein, give a listen to the following from Vin's show this past Holy Saturday and take it all in.  

When you're lost in the rain in Juarez

And its Eastertime too

And your gravity fails

And negativity don't pull you through

...

I'm going back to New York City

I do believe I've had enough.

A Party at John's Place

Another Year of Renewal

With near perfect timing this year, as intended JW's memorial has come into full bloom as a reminder of his continual presence, especially in the lives of those who love him.

For those not familiar with it, the story behind JW's memorial can be found here.  To see how his memorial has grown over the years, go to these links for 2008, 2009, 2010, 2011 and 2012 (and note the differences in when the cherry blossoms bloom -- 2012 was more than 2 weeks earlier than this year -- its been a cold Spring).

If it Be Your Will

In an attempt to find rhyme and reason to life's events, it is often necessary to turn to God's gift of music.  In that regard, perhaps that other Leonard (i.e. Leonard Cohen) and his version of If It Be Your Will is entirely appropriate for this special day in April (btw - as far as I'm concerned, if it be your will is just another way of saying I cannot and should not expect my will be done - no matter how noble but rather we must live life with humility).



For the embedded video above the written lyrics are below.

"If It Be Your Will"

If it be your will
That I speak no more
And my voice be still
As it was before
I will speak no more
I shall abide until
I am spoken for
If it be your will
If it be your will
That a voice be true
From this broken hill
I will sing to you
From this broken hill
All your praises they shall ring
If it be your will
To let me sing
From this broken hill
All your praises they shall ring
If it be your will
To let me sing

If it be your will
If there is a choice
Let the rivers fill
Let the hills rejoice
Let your mercy spill
On all these burning hearts in hell
If it be your will
To make us well

And draw us near
And bind us tight
All your children here
In their rags of light
In our rags of light
All dressed to kill
And end this night
If it be your will

If it be your will.

Then & Now

It was April 6, 2007. JW had been just discharged after spending almost 24 hours in the ER. He had been diagnosed with a pinched nerve and had been given a prescription for pain medication. Our plan was to take JW down to our home in Southern Maryland where we would be able to nurse him back to health and follow through on our plans to celebrate as a family both Easter and his brother's birthday. Our first stop was at the CVS Pharmacy on Columbia Road in Adams Morgan, DC in order to allow JW to get the pain prescription filled.

This CVS was the last place JW went to in Adams Morgan. Less than 12 hours after he went into that storefront, JW was dead.





The first picture above is how the CVS Pharmacy appeared on April 6, 2007.  The second photo is how it appears today (the pharmacy actually moved across the street and up the block several years ago).

The photos are a fitting contrast of then and now.  Much the same way there is a void in the storefronts on Columbia RD in JW's beloved Adams Morgan, so too there is a tremendous void in the lives of all those who love John so very much.

To quote W.B. Yeats, "What made us dream that he could comb grey hair?"

We miss you, guy -- and if it was even possible, we miss you more with every passing year.

Memories of John - Volume 3

John being the cyber geek he was, this blog has long been considered a fitting memorial for JW -- providing for all, not just family, the opportunity to keep memories of John alive in cyberspace. Alas, the cyber world is still ephemeral, it's 1's and 0's subject to being zapped or becoming unreadable at any given time. (Does anyone still have any 5 1/4-inch floppy disks on hand)?

In that regard, good old-fashion paper and ink can still be depended upon to last through the ages. In that regard, this Easter, in memory of JW, his Mom, brother and sister were each given a copy of the third volume of this blog in book form.

The covers of the prior two volumes can be seen here.

Update: When assisting with the distribution of these gifts, Ariana readily recognized that the photo on the book's cover was her Uncle Johnny and that he was a very special individual.  Such is the wisdom of a two-year-old, going on three.

Spring Snow

Photo from today, March 25th, at Queen of Peace Cemetery in Helen, MD.  (Note snow covered bottle of Guinness left by person(s) unknown).  

It was another Spring snow storm on April 7, 2007 when 4 inches of snow fell in St. Mary's County, enough to preclude a helicopter ambulance from transporting JW to the hospital in Washington, DC, thus necessitating a painstakingly slow trip by road.  

Sibling Affection Through the Generations

First two photos above, Ariana and Bentley - next photo, their Uncle Johnny holding their Daddy - last photo, their Uncle Johnny holding their AJ, with their Daddy nearby. Note the bandage on their Daddy's knee - all boy all the time!

Happy St. Paddy's Day to Ye, JW

Somewhat a tradition for this blog, the posting of a video depicting JW, Mike & Jes on St. Patrick's Day, 2005 in Dublin.

JW's Memorial from Space

The new Apple map uses different satellite images than does Google maps and as such, the satellite image for our abode is newer on Apple maps than on Google maps.  Thus, for the first time, you can see JW's memorial from space.  Compare the older Google image with the newer Apple image below it.  JW's memorial can be seen in the lower portion of the second picture, just left of center.

Here's a ground level view of his memorial from 2007 when it was originally constructed.

For those not familiar with it, the story of his memorial can be found here and here.

Like Uncle, Like Nephew

Equally, beautifully bald!

A Lesson in Grief & Joy

Recall in an earlier post about how grief and joy can exist side by side with family being a principal source of joy.  Yesterday was the Feast of the Holy Family.  We got to spend a good part of that day in the wind and cold at the Temple that Snyder rules -- aka FedEx Field -- to witness the Skins wup the Cowboys last night and win the NFC East Division title.

Like so many things in life, it was a bittersweet day -- great times were had with John's bro and sis, as well as a host of others at a gargantuan tailgating party to include a much sought after fire in a rather toasty tent next to us.  I could not help but remember that it was John and his brother who introduced us to tailgating at the Christmas Eve 2005 game between the Skins and the Giants -- which Washington likewise won to enter the playoffs that year.  However, that tailgating party, which included John's Papa and Uncle Ken, along with his siblings, consisted of nothing more than a bunch of 6 packs and a few bags of chips standing behind the rear tailgate of our Highlander.   We've come a long way since then with the improved epicurean delights and with John there with us, in spirit, every step of the way.  

One extraordinary way John's presence was felt yesterday was at the pre-game ceremonies which never before did we get inside the stadium in time to witness.  What clearly brought John to mind was that the color guard for the national anthem were representatives of CIA's uniformed protective services. John was both very proud and very effective with respect to his career at the CIA.  

You can hear the last rendition of Hail to the Redskins during the regular season in the video below following the PAT after their fourth and final touchdown of the night (thank you, Alfred).  

Christmas Eve 2012

Uncle Johnny and his niece Ariana, this Christmas Eve.

Does It Get Better?

That was the question John's mom was recently asked by a fellow parishioner who we've been acquainted with since the kids went to Mother Catherine Spalding School.  Several weeks ago, this couple, too, quite suddenly and unexpectedly lost their 30-year-old son to death.  With the recent events in Connecticut, it's a question that far too many parents are facing anew.  

There is, of course, no easy answer to that question - in large part because it all depends upon what you mean by  "it."  If "it" refers to a parent's grief at the death of a child, the answer is clearly no.  The grief is always there, day after day, hour after hour, as raw and painful as the first moment you realize the inconceivable and incomprehensible has happened.  There is nothing that can assuage that grief - time does not diminish the pain.  There is no greater obscenity than a parent burying a child - it violates the natural order of life in every way.  The guilt at just still being alive while your child is dead can be overwhelming.  

That said - slowly but steadily, one comes to the realization that while the grief will always be there as intense as ever, it does not preclude the experience of joy.  Grief and joy can exist side-by-side; one does not diminish the other.  The joy can take many forms -- first and foremost family.  But it can also be the beauty of God's creation or even the product of human creation such as a memorable song.  In many regards, the intensity of grief eventually causes one to experience all that life has to offer, both the good and the bad, with a greater intensity and, more importantly, greater authenticity.  

So - does it get better?  Can't say - but it definitely is forever different and not always in a bad way.  

This has been our experience, an experience we prefer not to share with any others; but, there is, unfortunately, an ever increasingly larger circle of bereaved parents as the events of the past week have shown.  

The Warmth of Parental Love

In addition to being what would have been JW's Mammy's (his dad's mom) 88th birthday, today was very significant in other ways in terms of being symbolic of the warmth of the love between a parent and son.

In ascending order, firstly, indicative of placing herself last, JW's mom finally completed today a quilt for herself which, like all preceding ones, is made, in part, out of the remnants of JW's clothing.  However, unlike all the prior quilts, this one did not have a unifying theme but was rather a "crazy quilt" made out of the materials left over from all the earlier quilts made with love for a few of those who occupied a special place in JW's life.  In the photo to the left, John's mom proudly displays her own quilt. (To see all prior quilts, scroll down the side bar to the right). 

Even more importantly, today John's nephew and namesake finally came home.  After having been born at 27 weeks gestation, and after 94 days in the NICU at Alexandria Hospital, John Bentley was able to come home to Gina, Mike and his big sister, Ariana.  JB truly represents the "impossible pregnancy" and is the product of the tremendous love, dedication and self-sacrifice of his parents -- JW's sister-in-law and "little" brother.  There is no doubt that if there is such a thing as "pride" in heaven, JW is a truly proud uncle, brother and brother-in-law today.  Gina and Mike have moved heaven and earth to give the gift of life to Bentley and are truly emblematic of the warmth of parental love.

Pictures of Bentley's homecoming can be seen below.

Another JW Quilt by Mom

Out of remnants of JW's clothing, John's mom has been making quilts for those who played a special role in John's life.  The latest quilt went to Grayson, the son of one of John's best friends, Mark and his wife, Emily.

JW and Mark were loyal alumni of Virginia Tech, attending many a Tech football game both near and afar.  John's brother, Mike, has since assumed the mantel of loyal fan.

The Gift of Memories (New & Old)

Last weekend, someone got to commemorate his 60th birthday.  This commemoration was special in many ways - not the least in that it was all about family.

As depicted in the below picture, this commemoration created new memories, which included bringing JW's niece to Chuck E. Cheese's, where JW's brother, sister, sister-in-law, niece as well as mom & dad got to play at arcade games, to include shooting some hoops.  

This excursion also brought back some old memories as depicted in this post from several years ago.  Specifically, that memory dealt with the last time that JW spent time with the entirety of his immediate family when, on a day-long excursion, we spent some time shooting hoops at the now shuttered ESPN Zone in Washington, DC.  

The fondness of that memory is now complemented by an equally joyous memory which includes JW's niece, who was very intently experiencing the uniqueness of an hour at Chuck E. Cheese driving her race car in the above picture. 

Memories - the essence of a life lived well. 

John Leonard V through VII

Per this earlier post.

At comparable ages (2 mos+).